Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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