'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
