Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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