My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
