shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
