I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She's the barista slut.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
