ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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