it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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