in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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