And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
