Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
