I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize