Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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