my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
