I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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