You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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