i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
