Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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