it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
