I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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