You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
