he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
