All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
