He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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