I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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