I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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