At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
