you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
