I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
where does the pee come out of this thing
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
