i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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