why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
