please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
