watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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