a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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