Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
