Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
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