this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
