Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
