It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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