Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
