I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
