Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
it's like heaven, but drunker
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
