i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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