Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
