her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
