i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
