After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
