Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize