I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Randomize
