She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wish there were birth control emojis
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
