Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
