She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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