I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
