The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize