Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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