if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize