'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
