When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
