After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
