So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
drinking out of a sandbucket again
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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