Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
