things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
