can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
