hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
