It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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