Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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