I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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